Yesterday my oldest son was sent home from school early, with a headache, stomachache, and fever. I just dont get it. All three grueling months of summer, Corey did not have any stomach episodes. Three weeks into school, BAM! I dont know if its the communal watering fountains, satellite lunches, or the 300+ other cootie baring critters. That boy has a rough time fighting off stomach bugs from August to May.
Anyways, due to the fact that he spent the evening in the bathroom, and soiled every pair of mens-size-small boxer briefs in the house; I decided to let him stay home from school today. Upon leaving, I gave him a list of things to do around the house. Nothing huge, because he was "sick". "Tidy up, and do not make any messes that are greater than the existing ones... and dont use all of the toilet paper." We run out of toilet paper so fast in our family. Which is odd, because I am the only girl!
Around 10am, I called Corey from work. "Take the mac & cheese out of the freezer and put it in the fridge, so it doesnt take so long to cook tonight." He abruptly replies "OK BYE!". "Wait a minute! Why are you in such a hurry to get off the phone?! What are you up to?!" ..... N-O-T-H-I-N-G in my 11 and a half years of single-motherhood could have prepared me for what was about to be said.......... "You wanna know what I am doing? Ok! I am masturbating!"
I let out a slight "gasp" as 9,385 thoughts instantly raced through my head. The only thought that could make it's way out of my mouth, is the one ANY good mother would say: "Wash your hands!" Then, I dropped the phone receiver on it's base and held my head in my hands at my desk. Thought 9,386 was "WHY did I have to ask?!" Followed by 9,387 "WHY did he feel the need to tell ME?!"
Today was a monumental day in parenting for me... Starting with the painful recognition that my oldest son is becoming a man. That he feels he can be brutally honest with me. And, that I am going to have to replace my pricey Victoria Secret lotions, with Suave and WalMart brands.
I hate this day.
About Me
- Miss Stephanie Groves
- Born a Scorpio. Raised an only child. Now, a working-student-single-mother of 4 boys.
I have started this blog to document the happenings in my life, with the hopes of some day writing a book when I'm older. Watch for it in the Comedy and/or True Crimes section of your local book store.
OMG I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe!!! What he didn't tell you is, he actually started doing that several years ago, in those curiously long showers! (No really, it's true...)
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