THURSDAYS!!!

I hate Thursdays. I really do. Thursdays are my busiest day of the week. I barely have time to scratch my thoughts, and organize my butt!

I told the boys to remove their things from the living room, and clean their room; as I started some of my own homework.

As I look up from my 2 piece laptop (Oh ya. Be jealous!) I see...

Corey doing flips on his skateboard... in front of the mirror... that is INSIDE my house.

Caden doing ballet behind Corey; getting whatever glimpse of himself that he can.

Cyle running around my "social circle".

And, Chris wiping a booger on my hallway wall...

All I can think is...

"At least he didn't eat it, this time." And, "where the hell is my whistle?!"

No seriously. Someone hid my whistle.

2004

Six years ago, I was a far cry from your average 24 year old. Six years ago I had a kindergartner, 2 toddlers, ages 3 & 2, and an infant. All but one in diapers and/or pull-ups. Six years ago, my signature scent was Baby Magic lotion, with a hint of 5am's Enfamil upset. Six years ago, I didnt carry a purse; only a diaper bag. And, most of the time my pants conveniently did not have pockets. Six years ago it was nothing for me to be sitting at my desk at work, and feel a continual discomfort in my bra area. A short while later, I would discover a Winnie the Pooh pacifier tucked between my cleavage. Sexy. Right?

Six years ago I had acquired a traffic ticket. Anyone whom has shared in this awesome experience, knows that there are tremendous fees involved. Fees, not easily waged on a single mother's budget. Luckily, the powers that be allow you to request an extension at a hearing. I decided to take advantage of this opportunity.

I woke up early that morning due to the fact I was nervous; having never been to a courthouse for anything other than child support hearings.

I got all 4 boys ready for the day, loaded them up in their respective safety seats, and started on our merry way. Low and behold, like every other morning, the two oldest boys started arguing over toys that were found in the back half my minivan. Once we reached the babysitter's driveway, I was able to separate the two boys as well as the toys. Then I lugged the younger two inside, while the other two followed close behind. After all four were settled, i was able to continue on my voyage to the courthouse.

Government buildings are similar to airports, for the fact that you have to walk through metal detectors before entering major areas. No problem! I do not carry any sort of weaponry on me. I laid my keys on the conveyor belt leading to the x-ray machine, and walked through the metal detecting mechanism. Imagine my surprise when I set off the alarm as I made my way to the other side. Immediately a woman rushed over to me and proceeded to wave a wand over my body. My pockets kept triggering a beeping sound. Buy why? My keys were still on the conveyor belt.

I reach in, feel around, and instantly turned red as I removed my hand from my pocket. There I stood, holding up the line that consisted of other courthouse patrons, with a bright Yellow Power Ranger in my hand. As I turned around facing the crowd, all I could see were a sea of eyebrows, arched in disbelief.

Six years ago I stopped confiscating toys.

Daisy Jones?!

I am currently enrolled in my first semester of community college, where I am taking English Composition, Online Learning Tech, Algebra, and Intro to Microcomputers. I also have been working at the same place for 2 years. 


Why did I group those random facts? Well. I will tell you... 


Sunday evening I found myself feeling the wrath of my procrastination. I was crunching probably 4 hours of homework and quizzes into 2 hours. Not a problem, as I am a whiz. Or so I thought...


One of the homework assignments was to post the results of 5 Microsoft Office searches on the online class discussion board, then elaborate how we could use the results in our everyday lives. If you are not familiar with Microsoft Office; its basically an online service that has templates, clip art, all sorts of interesting lil things. The assignment was truly very simple. I just had to search "5 things that interest me". How could I go wrong doing THAT? Below is my exact entry to the discussion board. Pay close attention to numbers 1 & 3...

I, personally, was more interested in the templates than the clip art. I found these searches to be fruitful...

1. "Inspirational Quotes"- This search produced a handful of templates, and 4 motivational "cards" that I plan on printing and hanging in my cubicle. I can always use motivation to exist in the place that inspired me to attend college, to land a better job.

2. "Chore Chart" - This search produced many templates. However the one I downloaded immediately was titled "Family & Kids Weekly Home Chore and Commission Charting list". I believe this one will motivate my sons to prevent me from tripping over football equipment and using the last clean towel. Money is such a great motivation.

3. "Resume" - This search produced many templates for eye-catching resumes. See #1 for urgency.

4. "Recipe cards" - This search produced the cutest templates for recipe cards! Each had it's own design or holiday theme. I can always use a better way to organize recipes given to me by family or stumbled upon on the internet.

5. "Emergency Contact" - This search produced many templates for Emergency Contact Lists, which I can utilize for my sons when they go to a friend's house or are home with a sitter.

Aside from feeling very domesticated, I was pleased with my findings and my post. 

Now, in order to receive full credit for discussion board assignments, you must reply to at least one co-student's initial post. Great. I have no problem agreeing to disagree, relating, or just generally talking to people. So, I proceed to the main screen and start browsing through names. 

"John Davis"
"Randy Moore"
"Mandy Long"
"Miles Nordstrom"
"Daisy Jones"
"Emily Thompson"
"Alexa..." WHAT?! DAISY JONES?! No way! This can NOT be! Jones is a common name. Maybe it's someone ELSE! 


I click on the post submitted by "Daisy Jones", and as I read the excessively excited verbiage, I realize it is none other than "Daisy Jones", my immediate supervisor at work. Suddenly I suffered from temporary illiteracy and all i could say was "F*CK"; as I frantically return to MY post to find the delete button. I remember my English teacher had stated that discussion board posts could be deleted as long as no one had commented. No comments, I was safe! 


Low and behold... NOTHING in my life is ever as simple as clicking a delete button!!! After searching every pixel on the 15" monitor of my laptop, it became apparent that each class has unique rules. Mr. Intro to Microcomputers does not have the same flexibility as Mrs. English Composition.


At that point all I could do was laugh. And of course, swear. Then, pop a couple Benadryl... and go to bed. I had to be at work the next morning... I think.

Wash Your Hands!

Yesterday my oldest son was sent home from school early, with a headache, stomachache, and fever. I just dont get it. All three grueling months of summer, Corey did not have any stomach episodes. Three weeks into school, BAM! I dont know if its the communal watering fountains, satellite lunches, or the 300+ other cootie baring critters. That boy has a rough time fighting off stomach bugs from August to May.

Anyways, due to the fact that he spent the evening in the bathroom, and soiled every pair of mens-size-small boxer briefs in the house; I decided to let him stay home from school today. Upon leaving, I gave him a list of things to do around the house. Nothing huge, because he was "sick". "Tidy up, and do not make any messes that are greater than the existing ones... and dont use all of the toilet paper." We run out of toilet paper so fast in our family. Which is odd, because I am the only girl!

Around 10am, I called Corey from work. "Take the mac & cheese out of the freezer and put it in the fridge, so it doesnt take so long to cook tonight." He abruptly replies "OK BYE!". "Wait a minute! Why are you in such a hurry to get off the phone?! What are you up to?!" ..... N-O-T-H-I-N-G in my 11 and a half years of single-motherhood could have prepared me for what was about to be said.......... "You wanna know what I am doing? Ok! I am masturbating!"

I let out a slight "gasp" as 9,385 thoughts instantly raced through my head. The only thought that could make it's way out of my mouth, is the one ANY good mother would say: "Wash your hands!" Then, I dropped the phone receiver on it's base and held my head in my hands at my desk. Thought 9,386 was "WHY did I have to ask?!" Followed by 9,387 "WHY did he feel the need to tell ME?!"

 Today was a monumental day in parenting for me... Starting with the painful recognition that my oldest son is becoming a man. That he feels he can be brutally honest with me. And, that I am going to have to replace my pricey Victoria Secret lotions, with Suave and WalMart brands.

I hate this day.

Christopherism

As many of you know, I have four amazing sons. Corey is 11, Caden will be 10 on Halloween, Cyle will be 9 five days before Caden turns 10, and Christopher is 6. These 4 boys are the reason I breathe.

Sometimes Corey, Caden, Cyle and Chris are also the reason my breath is taken away. Whether it be moments of joy, sadness, amazement, fear, or in the case of this entry - laughter.

The boys and I had a pretty decent Labor Day weekend. Cyle had a football game on Saturday. Then, they had an evening of non-custodial visitation, while I went to a lil shindig on a lake, with a very good friend. Sunday, was of course dedicated to going to church and eating mass amounts, as a family. Monday, we lazed around a lil while, then went out to their half-sister's house, to hang out. Allow me to clarify... The boys have a 15 year old half-sister. Her mother and I have developed a kinship over the years. So, we hang out from time to time. Perhaps I will get more detailed on that lil saga in another blog...

So, we are all gathered in their living room watching tv, as their half-sister is working on a project for school. She politely asks Chris "can you go upstairs in my room and get me the glitter that is in the drawer, under my lamp." He agrees, and stomps along, up the stairs.

After ten minutes pass by, something in the corner of my eye catches my attention. Finally, Chris has found the glitter... Or did he?

As Chris makes it to the mid-staircase landing, he is now in full view. And, THIS is what he is attempting to lug down the stairs.










..........

NOT glitter, obviously.

Apparently all he heard was LAMP. Because every high school student needs a lamp for their projects.

Bless his heart.

Tempermental Tuesday

It has been a day people. Bare with me as I go on a few tangents, that are too lengthy for Facebook statuses...

1. Email Subject Lines: Today, a customer sent me an email as she does every week on Tuesday. Usually, her emails have an attached PDF for her advertising. Today, she made a mistake and didnt attach the PDF. Something she has done, a handful of times in the past; which is fine. I kindly replied to her email that she had forgotten the attachment. Loosely quoted, she replies, "We will not be running this weekend, because of the holiday. Please, read the message again". I wanted to say, "look lady, I was on loopy pain meds LAST week. There is no message, just a blank email!" But I opened, closed, and reopened the email a few times, as if something may appear. Then I noticed that her subject line didnt look right. What the heck?! This lady wrote me an entire message in the subject line! "Good Morning ladies. We will not be running this weekend because of the holiday. Have a great long weekend!" Again, I have to bite my tongue, or fingers. I wanted to say "Oh. I am sorry I missed your message in the subject line, because it was not in the message field, where messages go, *explicit*." But, unfortunately honesty is not acceptable in sales. So, I simply replied, "Ok, thank you."

2. Websites With "Contact Us By Email": Today I started to fill out the necessary paperwork to submit the liability claims for Corey's football injury. (See prior post) One of the fields required the address of our insurance provider. I look at the member card- no address. BUT! There is a website. I enter the www. and proceed to the "Contact Us" page. No addresses listed, but there are about 7 different 800-numbers to call...AND an email address! I instantly felt comfort in the email address listed. I just KNEW that this email address was going to save me from multiple dials, transfers and lengthy periods of elevator music. So, I enthusiastically opened my email and informed the mystery recipient about my task at hand. About 15 minutes later I hear my email alert. It was the insurance people. Woo hoo, speedy! "Ms. Groves. Please call 888......." Seriously? The email response team gave me one of the 7 phone numbers listed on the same page I obtained the email address?! The following emails were sent and received...

Me: With all due respect... What is the purpose of listing an email address in the contact section of the website, when your reply is a phone number that I am trying to avoid in the first place?

"Debbie": In order for us to give you information, we will need you to call with more specific information. This will help you avoid calling several different phone numbers and the possibility for long periods of hold times as well as calling multiple phone numbers.

Me: That being the case, a reply with request for said specific information would have sufficed. You have now taken the time to reply to my expression of discontent. Why not take the initiative to request the information that you need to answer my question via email?

If necessary, I would have gladly provided you with my son's assigned number; with the expectation that you, the recipient of the "contact us" email inbox, have the capability to give me the address that I need. I am not asking for an explanation of benefits, medical records/history, anything of confidential matter. I have asked for an address. If an address can not be provided via email; what content CAN be provided? Please inform me of the functions of the "contact us" email address, so that I may avoid future confusion or unreasonable expectations.

"Debbie" hasnt replied.

Excuse me while I kick myself for not applying for the job that merely requires me to reply to emails with an 800 number.

3. Black and White Facebook: This evening I had to take Corey to get 2 root canals on the teeth that were injured during the previously stated football fiasco. While I was in the lobby, I caught an announcement that the president was to address the nation this evening. I knew I was not going to be home for the program. And, the fact that I dont have DVR meant that I would have to rely on the internet to get myself up to speed. Once dinner and homework time was done, and the boys went off to bed, I satisfied my Family Feud obsession and refreshed my Facebook homepage to see a link from Youtube or Yahoo, that covered the address. So, I proceed to the verbiage listed, because for some reason this laptop hates videos. Then, I noticed that there were a ton of comments below the article. I was intrigued by how America felt, so I started reading through some of them. I am gravely disappointed to report that the comments grew hateful, and full of bigot remarks. Black people - we get it, Obama is black. White people - shut up, he is half white too. What part of the man's race effects his decision to withdraw from a war? Half of those commentators could have saved those keystrokes for their last. OR, to type something in an effort to effect our country in a positive light. I'm just saying...

There you have it. My day, and tangents, in a nutshell.

Goodnight.

Believe!

After counting down the many, many, almost too many days of summer, I was finally able to watch those 4 growing young men whom have eaten me out of house and home, walk down the street to their elementary school. 

Growing up, I never liked school lunches. The lukewarm, raw rectangular dough, covered in ketchup and flecks of white cheese, served as "pizza" were never palatable to me. Nor were the sugar cookies "flavored" with peach juice that had spilled over it's compartment, during my walk from lunch line, to lunch table. But, let me tell you: NOW?! I think school lunches are the best thing since sliced bread! As long as that bread doesnt come out of my cabinet and require me to furnish condiments, lunch meat, chips, fruit, jello, nor yogurt!

Yep. Monday was a great, eventful day for everyone in our family. Chris started 1st grade, with what is now half of a tooth prodtruding from his front gums; after spending the last 3 years of his life toothless, thanks to Cyle and the influence of a lil show called Power Rangers. Cyle started 3rd grade, with a new rebuttal for comments about his excessively hairy arms. "Oh ya? Well I can shave the hair off my arms. You cant shave the ugly off your face!" (Note: I will not admit nor deny having any part of that statement.) Caden started 4th grade, with that glazed over twinkle in his eye; letting me know that I will become very familiar with his new teacher's voice, face, handwriting, and email address. And finally, Corey started 5th grade... his final year of elementary school. Excuse me while I sob uncontrollably into the collar of my t-shirt.

The boys werent the only ones that made academic debuts earlier this week. Monday August 23, 2010 I took one small step for man, one giant leap for single mothers: I walked into my first official college lecture! Woo hoo! Exciting stuff, right?! I thought so too... until I glanced over the packet of papers issued to everyone in my Algebra class, called a syllabus. I thought I was making moves when I applied for financial aid on time. And, when I got my little plastic college ID, with official parking pass. But when I glanced over that syllabus, this became REAL. By "real", I mean intimidating as shit! And, this was even before I knew there were 3 other syllabuses for my online courses, that awaited my review.

Despite the shock to my system, I survived my 2+ hour math class, and hurried home to feed, bathe, and check homework for my 4 sons. Once bedtime rolled around, I was able to log onto the distance education site, where I started plugging away at my online classes. I really did surprise myself with how much I accomplished. All the while I had ONE song stuck in my head. I think it shall become my anthem for the next 2 years and 9 months.



Now if you will excuse me, I must rock out to my anthem, while I hunt for a free download of PowerPoint Viewer for Mac.

Are you ready for some football?!?!

It all started Friday night, before Metro Youth Sports Jamboree. The preparations felt comparable to Christmas Eve! The boys and I shared such excitement, that I am certain none of us slept a solid hour, the entire night... 6AM, the alarm went off and started the day. There were mouth pieces to be boiled & molded, pads to be put in pants, deodorant to be applied in mass quantities.

At 7:45AM we head off to the beautiful Saint Francis University field. At 7:53AM Corey realized that he had forgotten his helmet at our house. One of my least favorite things about having multiple children: Something ALWAYS gets forgotten. (Isnt it enough that their heads are attached?!) So, I drop Corey and Cyle off with the squad and start my journey back to our house to obtain the forgotten necessities.

Caden, Chris and I returned in time to hear The National Anthem, and the speeches by organization leaders. Then the games began! 

Corey's squad had the third scrimmage into the day. Woot woot! Everything was going GREAT! Corey got his turn to play on that immaculate field; Which I would love to elaborate upon, however, football plays are all JapTalian to me. So, 2 minutes and 38 seconds left in the game, the announcer says "a player for the Chargers is being escorted off the field, bleeding". I look up from Caden, Cyle & Chris to see #99, MY CHILD, being walked off the field with a bloody rag to his mouth.

Naturally, my petitely challenged legs made moves faster than they have in YEARS. And the bleachers that I was running down, 3 sons in tow, seemed no match for my worried mother adrenaline rush! On a normal day, I would have fallen flat on my uncoordinated ass. Finally I was united with my crying, screaming, 11 year old baby.

I would soon piece the puzzle together that, "Why would he throw a helmet?!" were the words being cried through the mounds of gauze and ice pack. A helmet? My son was hit by a HELMET? WHY wasnt he WEARING a helmet... or the mouth piece we boiled just this morning?! Come to find out there was a player on the team that had an issue with his own helmet. So, during this child's turn in the game, he was instructed by a coach to borrow my son's. When the helmet was to be returned to Corey, a coach threw it to him. At which point it hit his bottom lip into two of his top front incisors, causing the teeth to act as a blade- scraping helmet paint into Corey's lip AND breaking the teeth in half.

After 10 minutes of cleaning, icing and calming, I was able to head for the emergency room with all four of my sons. But nothing in my life is ever as simple as my last statement implies. Yes. I said that statement appeared simple. For you would think that an injured child, and the impending trip to the ER with FOUR children would be enough excitement for one woman, right? Wrong. Three steps out of the stadium the most untimely, treacherous downpour began. And, of course my van was half a block down and across the street, in the overflow parking lot.

Corey, Caden, Cyle, Chris and I sloshed through the instant puddles and buckets of rain, into my van. I start it up, turn on the headlights and wipers, and get ready to GO. At which point I remember the driver side wiper needs to be replaced, as if it is WAVING at me, perhaps saying "have a nice day".

After driving 30mph the entire trip, we finally arrive at the hospital. We weren't in the waiting room long enough to get settled before Corey's name was called. We proceed back to an exam room with what appears to be a dentist's chair, for the patient and one visitor chair. Of course, I am not surprised that the room did not accommodate my family of 5. Who brings 4 kids into an emergency room, anyways? Oh ya. ME.

Note: Please excuse any misspellings in this next paragraph, because I have to fight the dry heaves as I type... Shortly after we were situated in the room, the boys' father showed up and took the younger 3 boys with him to the waiting area. Then the fun began. I got to watch, as my son had shavings of white helmet paint extracted from his marble-sized bottom lip. Then, a 3 inch needle injected into the wound and one single stitch laced.

I have to say, my son is a brave little man. He did not cry AT ALL. I, on the other hand, fought many tears. Not just because of his procedure then and there, but as I look at what used to be two perfect little permanent teeth in the front of his mouth. Teeth that I hope can be repaired on Monday, as soon as the dentist office opens... Prayers are greatly appreciated. 

So, if one were to ask me, am I "ready for some football", I would have to say that my answer is NO! I did not sign up for all of THIS!

Post-It Note

As I sit in the disaster area located in the front room of my house; I am actually not disgruntled about the PopTart wrappers on the coffee table, nor the markers and sheets of elementary art strewn across my floor, shoes of various sizes scattered throughout, DVD cases everywhere BUT the TV stand and the questionable sticky substance on the surface of my touchscreen cellphone; But WHY these things came to be...

It all started early this morning. As I left for work, I wrote the following list on a Post-It note and stuck it in my oldest son's hand.

2 PopTarts

1 Peanut Butter & Jelly

Share half the bag of pretzels

Frozen Fruit 

1 Jello Cup for snack, in the afternoon

NO Wii

Finish cleaning your room!

Allow me to provide a brief history of the Post-It note list... Three days ago, I went to the grocery store and spent roughly $124 on groceries. Two days ago, I came home from work, to find that my 4 sons had consumed 12 frozen waffles with half a jar of peanut butter, 14 GoGurts, 3/4 package of deli ham, 1/4 package of deli turkey, an entire loaf of wheat bread, 6 jello cups and a bag of frozen fruit. Now, every morning before I leave, I feel compelled to write their menu and any random notes that come to mind. 

Fast forward, the 6.5 hours that I worked today, and the 15 minute commutes to and from... I walk through my front door, and trip over Cyle's football shoulder pad thingies, almost falling onto what I believe was our dog under a quilt. 

"WHAT THE HECK?!... WHY DOES THE LIVING ROOM LOOK LIKE THIS?!" 

At which point, my oldest son replies "You didn't put it on a Post-It note".

If you will excuse me, I need to go buy bigger Post-It notes!